I had tasted your lips and neck, felt your hand in my lap and felt your soft breast beneath your shirt, but that was all. Even then, barely into adulthood, I did not expect us to make love as if we were married but I had imagined we would find time to do so occasionally, like at least once more. It is not easy hiking with an erection. The canoodling was worth it. The trail began to work itself away from the river and climb. That was the only moderately difficult section of the trail, the narrow switchbacks that climb the bluff. Atop the bluff, the trail climbed more leisurely. The cottonwoods and willows gave way to birch, scattered cedar, and oaks. It had to have been close to noon by then. It was humid inside the woods, the mosquitoes and deer flies jostled each other for a chance at the table. I have a vivid, an exacting memory of the taste of your mouth, your skin, your sweat. I have an equally vivid memory of how Deep Woods Off tasted if it got in your mouth, the bitter solvent. Some men get a vicarious thrill out of watching their wives have sex with another man, masturbating as they watched them being fucked. Well I couldn’t do that up on the podium and had to suffer in silence as I saw her being fucked by a complete stranger. There were mountains of flesh in the shape of tits on display for me to see, but all I could watch was my Ann, sucking on an erection that wasn’t mine, and seeing that piece of flesh being buried up inside her and know that his seed was being thrown up there instead of mine. She said later, that my love making to her was of the most brutal that I had ever been, but I think that it was another part of my mind that drove me to act as I did. I didn’t mind it when she was performing with another female but that didn’t make much difference to the overall feeling that I was hurting inside at the act of her actually taking another man inside her and appearing to enjoy it. I know it was an act, but, well, it’s just human nature to feel.
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